We are past the middle of the month and as usual for February, LOVE has been in the air. I want to share with you a few thoughts about love. This essay was originally written back in 2013.
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WHEN DID I FIRST UNDERSTAND
THE MEANING OF LOVE?
If you had asked me this prior to May 22, 2009, I might have said any number of times. Perhaps as a child, perhaps when I came to believe in Jesus as my Savior, perhaps as a young bride, perhaps as a new mother, even perhaps as a new grandmother. Yes, all of those times were life transforming. But what happened on May 22, 2009, changed my life like no other event before or after.
If you asked some people what happened on May 22, 2009, they could say it was their last day of school. They could say it was the eve of a much anticipated trip. They could say it was a fun evening out with friends, or a relaxing night at home. They could say it was an enjoyable spring evening with their grandchildren. If you asked me, up until about 8 pm that evening, I would have said the same. Now, in retrospect, I could say it was when I first came to understand, truly understand, the meaning of love.
It sounds trite to say that we never appreciate what we have until it is gone, and that is never more true than in the case of people we dearly love. Oh, we love our parents, and as we age we know that that our time with them on earth will come to an end. We even sometimes realize brothers, sisters, and friends may leave this world before us. Perhaps even a beloved spouse will leave us. What we never anticipate is that a child, our own child, will depart this life before us. And what I never realized until that happened was the true meaning of love. Most people blithely say they love their spouse, or parent, or friend, even their child. We love chocolate ice cream, we love the beach or the mountains, we love to sleep in. We toss the word love around like dandelion fluff blowing willy-nilly in the wind.
Love is no longer a term I use lightly. Since May 22, 2009, when my middle son was killed by a wrong way driver on an interstate just six weeks before his wedding, the meaning of love has been made known to me in ways only those who have lost a child can understand. If I tell you I love you, you should know that it means that if I lost you, I would experience pain that is indescribable. You should know I would feel completely hopeless without you in my life. You should know I would not want to continue to live. And because I believe in a heaven, you should know I would want to go there to be with you. So where there is love, there exists the danger of unfathomable loss, a loss that is inconceivable to those who have not experienced it.
As I struggled with those feelings, I came to a realization. If my experience was the pendulum’s deep dark side of real love, then surely there was another side I had missed. Now, I know to cherish each loved one in a way I never did before. I know life is never guaranteed to last more than the present moment. I know life is too short to squander energy on thieves of joy. Yes, I thought I knew this before May 22, 2009, and perhaps intellectually I did, but knowing something intellectually and knowing it viscerally and emotionally are two different planes of existence.
To some, my life may appear no different than it was before. To some, it may appear to be a state of suspended existence. To some, it may appear to be a struggle. To some, it may appear to be courageous. At times, it may be any of those. What really matters though is what it is to me most of the time. And to me, it is love. It is to simply revel in the moment with love, whatever that moment may be. So many commonplace moments become sublime when bathed with love and experienced as God’s love gifts to us. A baby asleep on my shoulder, a laughing grandchild, a warm hug, a new puppy, a sunset, a butterfly, an inside joke with a friend, a family gathering, coffee and a newspaper on a quiet morning; the list is endless. One of the most profound though, is when I am on the receiving end of an “I love you” from someone that I know understands both extremes of love as I know them. And I hope that it is as profound for them as it is for me when I, in turn, respond, “I love you too.”
Now for something a little lighter!
How have you been managing during this Covid cocoon time? I’m not going to admit to any of these, but (cough cough) I’m wondering how many of these pandemic quarantine behaviors apply to you?
- Slept in clothes that are not considered pajamas?
- Never changed out of pajamas from one night to the next day through the next night?
- Gone all day without looking in a mirror?
- Sat on the couch for more than three hours without getting up?
- Taken more than one nap in a day?
- Stayed up most of the night and slept most of the day?
- Eaten junk or snack food instead of a real meal?
- Worn the same clothes, including underwear, more than three days in a row?
- Skipped a shower or bath for more than three days in a row?
- Not brushed your teeth upon either waking or going to bed?
Give yourself a point for each of these you’ve done to determine how much of a cocooner you are. What’s your total?
None of them? You might be a little too rigid – give yourself a break and loosen up.
Two to five? You are holding your own, bending to the situation but not letting it control you.
Five to nine? You may headed to the dark side – if that doesn’t bother you, fine. If it does bother you, make adjustments now!
All ten? You’re definitely wrapped and bound in your own cocoon. You may as well be a hermit! But then again, who’s to say that’s not a good thing? To each his own, and in the words of the French writer Anatole France, vive la difference!
Would love to hear your responses in a comment below!
